Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
