the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
