Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need a beard to bite.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
