Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
