please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
