He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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