We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
please don't ironically join a cult
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