I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
