I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
