theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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