so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
