i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
