I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
