I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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