she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
