mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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