So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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