Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
