Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
