theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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