aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
