god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
