Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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