he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
