I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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