Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
