Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
