I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
