I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
