from now on my penis is your penis
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
