so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
