i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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