Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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