just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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