Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
