they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
