I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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