I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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