She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
