There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
