Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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