your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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