White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
