He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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