Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
