dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
