we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
