I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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