i just wanna soil my oats bro
no, he came in my armpit
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
