Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
