i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
