My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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